Long way still to go

Step 1: Know yourself

Awww

I don't know why!

Feh...

Everyone thinks I’m so strong, but I’m just determined to keep pluggin'. I don't know how strong I am--really, I’d rather not have to do it! I mean, steel pins here, “amputation” there, procedures, devices, needles of all sizes, stuck in so many places. And the paperwork! This sucks.
Nothing is, or ever will be, as it was before stage IV. I’m okay with that; I just wish I could have come to some points of realization and growth without so much pain and inconvenience. That’s not likely, though, for I am a stubborn and stiff-necked people. Obviously, big change for me starts with a slap in the face. Followed by another. Then a few more.

Prrettyyy...

Here it is, the ninth of October and I completely neglected September. Darn. I guess I don't have much of interest to write about! Chemo can make it a bit difficult to focus on the big questions that usually occupy my mind, like "Why am I here?" and "Why is anything here?" and "Why is there more matter than antimatter?" and "Why won't my dishes wash themselves?" I'm so easily distracted! Oh well, I'm done for today--there are pretty colors on the TV!
I have had some profound thoughts, now if I can just remember what they were...something about God and symphonies, I think...

sorry

This is an apology to those of you that read my post on July 26. I might have been a little depressed that day. This moment of self-pity has passed. Please forgive me. I let circumstances drag me down toward the pit and that is NO GOOD!
So, quick recap of 2008.
Started the year okay, leg started to hurt, hard to walk, using cane, cancer spread to hip and pelvic area, got two weeks of radiation, feeling better, walking better, walking worse, walking with cane in PAIN, eating Percocet, started new chemo, X-ray shows broken hip, stopped chemo, had surgery to nail hip together (not replacement, just pins and screws), hospital and rehab for two weeks, home in wheelchair, off Percocet, restarted chemo, walking on two crutches, walking on one crutch, CT scan shows liver is worse, marker numbers going upupup, start new chemo (poop), walking with cane, numbers stable, I can almost walk normally. Whew. How's that for a run-down? I think that covers the key points. And I left out the minor surgery and the food poisoning!
Some of you may remember my challenge to the year 2008 around New Year's Eve. You know, the "bring it on!" variety. It got brought. And I'm still kicking hard!

Oh Higgsy! Where art thou...

Where is that Higgs Boson? (I know, many of you are asking what is a Higgs Boson). Maybe CERN will find it soon. Stay tuned! The Large Hadron Collider fires up in September beneath France and Switzerland.

See geeky physics rap at YouTube

Once upon a time, maybe 20 years ago, I gave a long spiel--well, not that long, maybe a 30-40 mile drive, more like a condensed overview--to a friend about virtual particles, the birth of the universe and how the big bang (in theory) happened, how the Higgs boson (in theory) caused the inflation of the early universe, and how therefore God is the Higgs boson. In theory.
But maybe you've heard about the search by physicists for what they are calling the "God Particle?" It's the Higgs boson!
This stuff is fascinating! It gives me chills!
The universe is a strange and wonderful place, more strange and wonderful than we can comprehend with our little "rational" brains and our measly five senses. I have lots more to say about this, but I'm tired now. And yes, of course, God is much more than a Higgs boson.

An extra special post...

for my friend Dee. Hi Dee! Love ya! Hope you're having a great day. And thanks again for the pie...yum!

You know what sucks?

The day you realize there are not many people you can really rely on...sucks. It can make a person question so many of the choices made in life. And then it's people you don't expect that step up. Who can predict?
Here's hoping that most of you reading this won't have to get to this point.
F*%$ it!
Do I sound like a downer? Who gives a Sh!t.

Uhh..

Have I updated this thing lately? No? Crap. So much to say, so little brain function.

what can I say...

David Cook ROCKS!!!! (And I'm a dork. And I don't care).

It's already May???

I have lots of updating to do, and it's getting late. Maybe I'll start tomorrow.