to maybe anyone but me. I know this will probably seem silly to many of you out there, but we all have some small thing or two that bugs us. . .don't we? And since I'm in the middle of a stretch of seven graveyard shifts, my brain is in another Zone. You know the one--it starts with a Twi and ends with a light.
With that in mind, I have decided to start here with my new campaign, and that is to encourage the proper pronunciation of the word. . . Bruschetta!
Broo-sket-ta! Broo-sket-ta! Broo-sket-ta! Not Broosheta! Thank you for your support.
(Not really sure where that came from, or even why. Chalk it up to a mild case of bloggorrhea).
Thanks again.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Saturday, September 8, 2007
I have a question. . .
and I really need is a good answer to this one. To me, this is one of the Ultimates.
Why, oh why, is there something, and not nothing?
Note, that question is WHY, not HOW.
Why, oh why, is there something, and not nothing?
Note, that question is WHY, not HOW.
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
44 Big Ones
I turned 44 today. I started my first blog almost exactly a year ago--two days after my 43rd birthday. Seems like a long time and no time at all--completely the same and completely different.
There must be some kind of Zen teaching in that.
But anyway, at that time I didn't know how significant my next birthday would be. In another life, my 44th birthday might have made me feel old. In this life, I feel grateful, grateful for the people I love, friends and family, for my dog, for the opportunity to live and learn, to continue trying to discover What It All Means and How Some of It Works, for the life I've had thus far and for whatever is yet to come, for the teachers, known and unknown, formal and (mostly) informal, who have illuminated my path and/or demonstrated the courage and strength I try to maintain in myself.
I think I'll celebrate all of that and all of us after I get off graveyard shift. Until then--ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
By the way, at my last appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Lopez (the new one), after some tense waiting that was rather reminiscent of my recent bone and CT scans, I found out the marker was down to 127. 127!!!!!!
Oh. Yeah.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes. Happy Birthday to Me! Now I gotta get ready for work.
There must be some kind of Zen teaching in that.
But anyway, at that time I didn't know how significant my next birthday would be. In another life, my 44th birthday might have made me feel old. In this life, I feel grateful, grateful for the people I love, friends and family, for my dog, for the opportunity to live and learn, to continue trying to discover What It All Means and How Some of It Works, for the life I've had thus far and for whatever is yet to come, for the teachers, known and unknown, formal and (mostly) informal, who have illuminated my path and/or demonstrated the courage and strength I try to maintain in myself.
I think I'll celebrate all of that and all of us after I get off graveyard shift. Until then--ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
By the way, at my last appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Lopez (the new one), after some tense waiting that was rather reminiscent of my recent bone and CT scans, I found out the marker was down to 127. 127!!!!!!
Oh. Yeah.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes. Happy Birthday to Me! Now I gotta get ready for work.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Who? What? Where am I?
It's almost 1 am and I've got 4 graveyard shifts to go, then five more days straight (including one double shift and a shift-and-a-half) before I get a day and a half off. Then 7 more graveyards. Am I crazy? What was I thinking when I got myself into this? It's interesting and challenging, but is it worth it if it's only about money? I've decided, in the long run, no it's not. But I'm stuck in the short run for now. Oh well, whaddayagonnado.
I was just reading some of my old posts from last year and I was reminded of my condition back then, really not so long ago. Hard to believe it's been 11 months since I couldn't walk outside my door without sucking wind and we discovered the cancer had returned and spread. It all came crashing back after I saw my regular doctor yesterday (or was it two days ago? Who knows at this point, I'm slipping into in the twilight zone). Dr Yadegar was so glad to see me that it was a little disconcerting at first--as he said, I wasn't doing too well when last I saw him, which was back before I started getting a needle stuck in my back, and in fact he's the one that got that little ball rolling. This time, I went to see him about a laundry list of trivial complaints--finger hurts, sore shoulder, can't sleep, got allergies, whaa whaa whaa--nothing major, I just don't need these little issues distracting me, trying to knock me off my path. So he said he was happy to see me, to see how well I'm responding to treatment and doing overall. I felt kind of proud of my progress and it felt good to just check in, maybe show off a little as I strolled in wearing flip-flops, aloha shirt and slightly fading Hawaii tan.
When I left, he said again how happy he was to see how well I'm doing, because "Last time I saw you, you were very sick." Oh, yeah. . .I guess I was. Then I mentioned this to a friend who said, "Well that's kind of scary." Is it? I suppose I knew how sick I was, but it's easy enough just to move on and kind of let that stuff drift to the back of my mind as I work too much, try to see some daylight, and make sure my Pupito doesn't forget me while I sleep the days away.
It might be time for a serious priority readjustment. Seems like I'm in a holding pattern, not really making any serious strides toward God, enlightenment, the meaning of life, or a clean house.
Maybe I should start by hiring a maid.
I was just reading some of my old posts from last year and I was reminded of my condition back then, really not so long ago. Hard to believe it's been 11 months since I couldn't walk outside my door without sucking wind and we discovered the cancer had returned and spread. It all came crashing back after I saw my regular doctor yesterday (or was it two days ago? Who knows at this point, I'm slipping into in the twilight zone). Dr Yadegar was so glad to see me that it was a little disconcerting at first--as he said, I wasn't doing too well when last I saw him, which was back before I started getting a needle stuck in my back, and in fact he's the one that got that little ball rolling. This time, I went to see him about a laundry list of trivial complaints--finger hurts, sore shoulder, can't sleep, got allergies, whaa whaa whaa--nothing major, I just don't need these little issues distracting me, trying to knock me off my path. So he said he was happy to see me, to see how well I'm responding to treatment and doing overall. I felt kind of proud of my progress and it felt good to just check in, maybe show off a little as I strolled in wearing flip-flops, aloha shirt and slightly fading Hawaii tan.
When I left, he said again how happy he was to see how well I'm doing, because "Last time I saw you, you were very sick." Oh, yeah. . .I guess I was. Then I mentioned this to a friend who said, "Well that's kind of scary." Is it? I suppose I knew how sick I was, but it's easy enough just to move on and kind of let that stuff drift to the back of my mind as I work too much, try to see some daylight, and make sure my Pupito doesn't forget me while I sleep the days away.
It might be time for a serious priority readjustment. Seems like I'm in a holding pattern, not really making any serious strides toward God, enlightenment, the meaning of life, or a clean house.
Maybe I should start by hiring a maid.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Welcome home
I got back from Hawaii a week ago today, and now I'm at work for the sixth day--how depressing is that. What a contrast the last couple of weeks are! From island time (try wait. . . ) to rushing every morning to get to work on time--not an easy task for me; from hangin' outside every day to sittin' inside this control room, seems like most of the time. I'm pretty sure I prefer Hawaii and will be moving there as soon as possible, and if you can't find me at home or at work, I'll be at the beach. That's the best way to get your vitamin D, you know, from the sun. Gotta get those nutrients.
I've got a lot to write about, and if I ever finish unpacking, I'll sit down and blog longer. But I still feel good, and I've noticed the better I feel, the less I write.
I see a new doctor this week, since my oncologist Dr. Lewis retired. I'm a little nervous, as I'd come to trust Dr. Lewis, and really feel he was a positive force on my journey, both medically and emotionally. He's the first person who told me, after my initial diagnosis, that I was "not cooked," and that's what gave me the first nudge in the right direction, towards hope despite uncertainty, and courage despite fear, and strength despite pain. But life is change, and change is life, and on my passage through, I've learned that the only person I can be sure will travel my entire life with me, from start to finish--is me. People--friends, family, doctors--come and go, or maybe come and stay, and that's not cynicism, I don't think. I've just learned that you have to appreciate the intersections and not waste time wishing for the past. Learn lessons, remember, grow, and keep moving forward. The only thing that's permanent is impermanence. True dat?
Well, I guess I had a little more to say today than I originally thought. OK. Next time, I'll either write about entropy or my new tattoo. Or both. Or something else entirely. Maybe quantum physics, cosmology, and how God is a Higgs boson.
Happy Saturday and Aloha.
I've got a lot to write about, and if I ever finish unpacking, I'll sit down and blog longer. But I still feel good, and I've noticed the better I feel, the less I write.
I see a new doctor this week, since my oncologist Dr. Lewis retired. I'm a little nervous, as I'd come to trust Dr. Lewis, and really feel he was a positive force on my journey, both medically and emotionally. He's the first person who told me, after my initial diagnosis, that I was "not cooked," and that's what gave me the first nudge in the right direction, towards hope despite uncertainty, and courage despite fear, and strength despite pain. But life is change, and change is life, and on my passage through, I've learned that the only person I can be sure will travel my entire life with me, from start to finish--is me. People--friends, family, doctors--come and go, or maybe come and stay, and that's not cynicism, I don't think. I've just learned that you have to appreciate the intersections and not waste time wishing for the past. Learn lessons, remember, grow, and keep moving forward. The only thing that's permanent is impermanence. True dat?
Well, I guess I had a little more to say today than I originally thought. OK. Next time, I'll either write about entropy or my new tattoo. Or both. Or something else entirely. Maybe quantum physics, cosmology, and how God is a Higgs boson.
Happy Saturday and Aloha.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
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